Bam-bam

On Friday one of my students asked if she could ask when Benjamin is due. I told her yes and was about to just give the date when I realized that he is due in 3 months (from Saturday, yesterday).

3 months! It both seems very close and very far away. I feel like I've been pregnant a long time, but I am also not quite ready to have Benjamin out of his nice warm pocket. Part of it is that the semester has been tough and that I am constantly struggling to catch up with grading, so I'm tired. Tired enough to take a nap Saturday afternoon even though I slept 8 or 9 hours Friday night.

I am also enjoying (mostly) this new stage of pregnancy. Over the last month I have been able to feel Benjamin move more and more. He doesn't quite have a pattern yet, but he's getting there. Of course, I had hoped that this would help to allay my fears and most of the time it does, but sometimes it's quite the opposite. For example, after that first strong (and slightly scary) kick he gave his papa last week, Benjamin's movement seemed to calm. A lot. No big kicks for days. And fewer squirms. By Thursday night I was beginning to wonder if something was wrong. My imagination took over and as I brushed my teeth the absolute worst scenario was passing through my mind. I started to cry. And then, as I stood there in front of the sink, foamy tooth brush in hand, I felt a few gentle pops at the base of my uterus. I'd never felt him move while standing, it was always when sitting or in bed. I cleaned up and went to lie down on the bed and he kept squirming around. During the night I got up a few times and each time I got back into bed I could feel him moving around. Big sigh of relief. Thank you little one!

He has kept active (though less so this morning). Yesterday morning Brian and I watched cartoons in bed and he was dancing up a storm. Last night we watched Finding Neverland and he moved around quite a bit -- though I was wearing headphones, so he couldn't hear the music or the children playing, much less make the connection between the movie and Peter Pan, which Brian finished reading to us on Friday. I think he gets into positions that make it hard for me to feel his movement. Or maybe he just has less room to move. I feel and see him move mostly when his feet (and thus his head, I suppose) are to the right. My stomach quakes and quivers with each jab and pop.

I think Benjamin's finally grown into the nickname Squirmantha's dad gave him: Bam-bam.

-maman