Doulas

I never got around to posting about birth doulas, even though the "doula search" was a very important part of our trip to Cville last month. We interviewed three and, as Brian has said, the first one was "too hard" the second one was "too soft" and we had hoped the third one would be "just right", but no.

We knew (or at least I knew) from the moment she opened the door that the first one wasn't right. No smile, no welcome, stony-faced. In talking to her I got the impression she had an agenda: natural childbirth. Now I would like to have Benjamin naturally, but I also know that I have no idea how things are going to go and that if I'm in labor for 20 hours, I might want that epidural. When I said something about medication sometimes being helpful, the woman stiffened and asked "Like when?" And I don't want someone helping me who doesn't support my choices fully.

The second woman was a good communicator, but didn't have much experience. She didn't seem to have any issues about medication. She also lived far away. But she would have been a pretty good choice otherwise.

The third doula was very open and friendly, but very talkative. Choicy White Boy had told us to look out for social cues during interviews, and this woman missed them all. I had had big hopes.

So, unfortunately, none of these women were quite the right fit. In the end, however, what really clinched it is that I suddenly had... I'm not quite sure what to call it. An anxiety attack about how on earth I can keep my body private during delivery? It's hard to explain. I began to think that what I want is a dim room and my husband at my side, a nurse coming in occasionally, the doctor at the end. I've been told that when a woman goes into labor she loses all sense of modesty, that some women would leave the house naked. I've also read that women turn inwards when in labor, that what is around them fades off into the distance. But the thought right now of having someone I hardly know share this experience (with all its beauty and wonder, and pain and blood) with us is just too unsettling. I think having a new doctor is enough -- though by the time we are in the hospital, we will have seen a lot of him. I must say that although I still don't want a homebirth, I am beginning to understand why women do it: you are at home, you choose who is there, what the atmosphere is like, etc.

Now we are thinking about having a postpartum doula, someone who can help us with breastfeeding and other questions we might have once we are home. I am still a little torn about not having a birth doula, because a friend who had one was very happy with the support she got during labor, and another friend, who is in the process of hiring a birth doula, has pointed out that a doula will help you know what is "normal" during the process. It would also be nice to have someone there to support Brian -- and to bring coffee or sandwiches from Cville Coffee...

At least we have a few more months to think about this! 3 to go...

-maman