postnatal lyrics

Our prenatal song for Benjamin says

Donne un coup de pied.
Bing Bang Boom

It occurs to me that "give us a little kick" isn't such a great thing to request once he's out and kicking about, so we've written different lyrics for a little boy's bedtime:

Ben-ja-min
Ben-ja-min
Fais dodo
Fais dodo
Pourquoi tu es ici
Quand tu peux être ailleurs?
Dans tes rêves
Dans tes rêves

A demain
A demain
Ben-ja-min
Ben-ja-min
Fais un petit somme
Fais un petit somme
Nous t'aimons
Nous t'aimons

(That last part where we sing we love you is pretty sweet, huh? We stole that line from Squirmantha's mommy.)

We sing all this to him before or after storytime. Whenever my cat hears me sing, he comes over to hang out, so Nathalie added one more verse:

Voilà Bones
Voilà Bones
Que fait-il?
Que fait-il?
Il veut chanter aussi
Il veut chanter aussi
Ton minou
Ton minou

- papa

titles you can't refuse

I asked for people's favorite children's books here, and Sammy Mammy has pointed me to this very relevant post over at the Blogfathers ...

(Make sure to read the comments section over at Blogfathers' "Book 'Em!" for yet more titles.)

- papa

21 Weeks (or "Eating For Two")

The Pumpkin -- Benjamin -- is now about the size of a small grapefruit, according to iVillage.com (interestingly enough, before knowing this, I ate a whole grapefruit with brunch yesterday, hadn't had a grapefruit in quite a while). For BabyCenter.com he weighs about 12 oz and is about 10.5 inches long (which would mean he's gained about 2 oz. and 1/2 an in inch in the last week!). A small grapefruit who seems to be "popping" me one once-in-a-while. I say "popping" because his little kicks and punches feel like a big bubble popping.

Eating for two has been a bit of a challenge. I lost my appetite during the first trimester and I don't think it really came back until about a month ago. It's only in the last couple of weeks that I've had moments when I am suddenly really really hungry. Eating for two, of course, doesn't mean eating twice as much, it means adding about 300 calories to my diet. I'm not quite clear on what that means because I think I was eating more calories a day than someone my size needs before I got pregnant. So is it 300 calories more than I was eating or 300 calories more than the FDA recommended amount of calories for a woman in her mid-thirties?

Of course, what is even more essential is what helpful nutrients are in what I eat. For example, last week I read that a lot of brain development is going on at this stage of pregnancy and that omega-3 fatty acids are important to help build neural connections. One of the best sources of omega fatty acids, it would seem, is flax seeds (or as Brian calls it, birdseed). So, I now add a tablespoon of birdseed to my morning oatmeal after I cook it to make sure I don't burn off the omega fatty acids. Before I'd been using roasted almonds for the protein (which makes me think perhaps I should combine the birdseed and almonds to make sure I have the fatty acids and protein...) I know that I am also getting some through the olive oil in my salad dressing. To the oatmeal I also add a couple of table spoons of wheat bran , fruit (either dried cranberries or frozen blueberries) and almond milk. One of the articles I read on omega-3 fatty acids suggested (perhaps tongue in cheek?) that butter pecan ice cream is a good way to get omega fatty acids (from the pecans) and calcium so papa went out to buy some and served it to me for dessert this week. I thought I wouldn't eat it because I've been pretty much off sweets since the pregnancy started, but it looks like either my dessert stomach is back or Benjamin has a sweet tooth that he's sharing with me -- I ate it all. And last night I really really wanted a sweet treat, so papa and I shared a sticky toffee pudding from Trader Joe's (called English Toffee Cake, but it is indeed the Sticky Toffee Pudding I was obsessed with during our honeymoon in Scotland). Hey, it has dates and walnuts! More omega fatty acids and protein!

Calcium has been my real issue. A TV ad I saw over the summer keeps popping into my mind: a pregnant woman opens the fridge and has to choose between a slice of cake and a glass of milk and, of course, the glass of milk is what gives her the "Correct answer!" game show bing. I don't drink milk and, in fact, I rarely eat ice cream either, because I am blessed with that southern European trait of being lactose intolerant. Fortunately, I can eat cheese and yogurt without too much trouble. So, for a snack after my 11 a.m. class I tend to have cheddar cheese and crackers. I'm trying to eat more yogurt -- Trader Joe's now sells what it calls "Mediterranean Cheese Style Yogurt" which is basically what is called "fromage blanc" in France so yum!! (I'm afraid I am dreading life without Trader Joe's back in Cville... we will have to make some pilgrimages up to the DC area to stock-up). The calcium, it ends up, is less for the baby and more for me, because apparently little Benjamin is a calcium vampire: what calcium he doesn't get from what I am eating he will take from my personal calcium stores (like, my bones). Fortunately Tums (necessary for the lovely indigestion that pregnancy fosters) is also a good calcium source.

The other issue is vegetables. That hasn't been an issue for me in the past, but my doctor gave me a sheet called "The Right Diet When Eating For Two" and it suggests 1 dark green or dark yellow veggie, 2 rich in vitamin C (like citrus and tomato) and 2 other vegetables, so I am always trying to keep track of which ones I've eaten. The two rich in vitamin C is easy : since the beginning of the pregnancy one of few things I've wanted everyday is clementines or tangerines. I also often have half a cheese sandwich and a V-8 when I get home from work. Dark green: salad greens, particularly spinach. Are peas and haricots verts dark green? We eat a lot of those. As for dark yellow... yellow bell peppers? We get frozen roasted bell peppers at Trader Joe's (another item I'm going to miss), but there are usually more red peppers than yellow in the mix.

Ok, this post has gone on way to long, so I won't bore you further with the details of choosing which fish to eat and how many times a week (fish is good, but you have to limit intake due to mercury levels, particularly in farm-raised fish and certain large, long-living fish are a complete no-no) or our weekly steak dinner for iron. I must say, however, that writing this post has helped me realized that we're actually doing ok on the nutritional front. We'll just have to keep it up after Benjamin is born so we can teach him to eat a healthy diet.

-maman

storybooks with pictures

Hurray for the University of Virginia's Electronic Text Center!

Unlike every other ebook source I've found, they offer children's books with the original illustrations scanned in.

Now I finally know what it looks like when an army of girls takes over the Emerald City!

- papa

I could listen to this all day long.

Apparently, this is what our friend Samantha (aka Squirmantha) sounds like while breastfeeding:

it's the 21st century, baby!

Everyone who sees Benjamin's "4-d" ultrasound photo (here or here) is amazed by the new technology that could produce such a startlingly clear picture of his features. One friend said he was surprised the image didn't show him reading a book. I replied that we can't see the iPod earbuds he's wearing.

- papa

Benjamin's new song

(to the tune of "Frère Jacques" and sung en français)

Ben-ja-min
Ben-ja-min
Dors-tu?
Dors-tu?
Donne un coup de pied.
Donne un coup de pied.
Bing Bang Boom
Bing Bang Boom

-maman

newborn cub

Between "big sweet potato" and "newborn bear cub" I'd have gone with the bear cub. I've seen mama bears with cubs, but never newborn cubs. This is what they look like. Sort of puppyish.

And here's what maman will look like when protecting her boy:

- papa

My big sweet potato of a boy

This week no need for BabyCenter or iVillage's estimates of the Pumpkin's size. This week I can tell you that according to his ultrasound measurements Benjamin is approximately 9.5-10 inches from crown to toe and weighs about 10 oz. He will probably gain about a pound in the next 4 weeks. But, of course, BabyCenter does have those delightful food comparisons: he's the size of a large sweet potato. He is right on target for his estimated birth date. (iVillage notes 10 oz and 10.5 inches is the size of a newborn bear cub.)

He. I say again "he". He. BENJAMIN. He's a boy! It is still sinking in. And I am totally obsessed with the 4D ultrasound image. He's really in there. And that's what he looks like. I wasn't expecting such an image. In fact, when the doctor turned on the 4D during the ultrasound I was totally freaked out at first because my baby looked like he was made out of wax. Now I am amazed by how clearly we see his features. I can't wait to compare the real boy with the ultrasound this summer! Actually, I simply can't wait to meet the little guy.

The "midterm" ultrasound is a strange experience. Well, perhaps all ultrasounds are strange experiences because you are looking at your insides on a computer or TV screen. Anyway. As the tech said, at first "it" won't look like a baby. Before knowing we were looking at Benjamin, we were looking at his brain, the lens of his left eye (which, when the tech measured it with a grid on the screen, reminded me of the Borg), up his nose (which made me laugh so that the tech had to hold the wand still until my belly stopped jiggling), his little pumping heart, his white spine and vertebrae curving down his back, his tiny stomach, his outstretched hands and his feet (that look like his papa's -- second toe slightly longer than the big toe).

It is interesting to see your baby like this, but during the whole process the tech and doctor are measuring, looking at the quadrants of the brain, checking blood flow, checking development, verifying the length of the femur or the shape of the palate. And it's sometimes hard to tell what they are looking at and harder even to understand if what they are looking at is alright. Luckily, this time the tech (same guy as last time) was not completely silent and he basically gave us a little tour of our baby's body, even adding once in a while that it "looks good" (which he might not be supposed to do since he's not the doctor). Everything seems to be developing correctly, he's in good health as far as the perinatologist could tell. Big sigh of relief.

And he's a boy. No doubt about it.

-maman

househusband fairytale

The main reason we started prenatal storytime is so that Benjamin will be born knowing my voice. It turns out that the sounds babies regularly hear in the womb are the sounds that calm and comfort them in the first few months of life. The two sounds all babies know most intimately are the sound of mother's heartbeat and the sound of mother's voice. I'd like to make papa's voice a close second (close third?) for Baby B.

But Benjamin's parents are developing their own emotional attachment to the routine. It is time together every day where we put aside 20 or 30 minutes from everything else that's going on and get to relax as a family. We're determined to keep this up for the next 10 or 20 years. Maybe we'll keep doing it even after Benjamin has grown up and moved out.

I've been reading The Marvelous Land of Oz (1904 sequel to the Wonderful Wizard). Nathalie and I are regularly laughing aloud at this story. It's hard to tell sometimes how much we're laughing at or with the author.

An army of girls from throughout the land of Oz have taken over the Emerald City. His Majesty the Scarecrow fled the city and sought the aid of his old friend The Nickel-Plated Emperor (formerly known as the Tin Woodman). The Emperor has promised to return His Majesty the Scarecrow to his rightful place on the throne of Emerald City ...

Then, swinging his axe in a great circle to right and left before him, he advanced upon the gate, and the others followed him without hesitation.

The girls, who had expected no resistance whatever, were terrified by the sweep of the glittering axe and fled screaming into the city; so that our travelers passed the gates in safety and marched down the green marble pavement of the wide street toward the royal palace.

"At this rate we will soon have your Majesty upon the throne again," said the Tin Woodman, laughing at his easy conquest of the guards.

"Thank you, friend Nick," returned the Scarecrow, gratefully. "Nothing can resist your kind heart and your sharp axe."

As they passed the rows of houses they saw through the open doors that men were sweeping and dusting and washing dishes, while the women sat around in groups, gossiping and laughing.

"What has happened?" the Scarecrow asked a sad-looking man with a bushy beard, who wore an apron and was wheeling a baby-carriage along the sidewalk.

"Why, we've had a revolution, your Majesty as you ought to know very well," replied the man; "and since you went away the women have been running things to suit themselves. I'm glad you have decided to come back and restore order, for doing housework and minding the children is wearing out the strength of every man in the Emerald City."

"Hm!" said the Scarecrow, thoughtfully. "If it is such hard work as you say, how did the women manage it so easily?"

"I really do not know" replied the man, with a deep sigh. "Perhaps the women are made of castiron."

that which may not catch on

- papa

Benjamin

The ultrasound technician was 100% confident he's a boy.

- papa

Before knowing

So I figure I should blog some thoughts before the ultrasound this afternoon. I'm getting excited about it, which is good because I was just feeling nervous about it earlier this week. Last ultrasound, as I've mentioned before, was a little stressful and I don't think I enjoyed it.

Do I think the Pumpkin is a girl or a boy? Right now I am thinking boy. I don't really know why. Perhaps because "his" profile looks like Papa's in the first ultrasound images. Or, I am a little embarrassed to admit, Brian might be right that I think it's a boy because I'm a little afraid of having a boy -- which is not to say that I wouldn't be happy to have a boy. A boy would be great and even more of an adventure, just more unknowns in the adventure for me. (I guess I don't have as much in common with Emma Bovary as I often fear, since she turned away in disappointment when she found out she had just had a girl.)

Last week I was thinking girl because of mystical reasons I made up (I think). This might be giving too many details, but it's a baby blog after all, so... the Pumpkin was conceived the week of the full moon, a feminine sign, and thus a child conceived under Diana's rays should be a girl... The main reason, though, is that I really really like the name Sophie.

Ok, off to get ready to go! (The song "Off to See the Wizard" has just popped into my head.)

-maman

LOL

After last night's post I had to laugh when I read the beginning of my BabyCenter weekly newsletter:

Think you're big now? You'll start growing even more rapidly in the weeks to come. This added weight may make it hard for you to keep up your regular pace without taking a catnap during the day.

And speaking of catnaps: as I sit here typing with the computer on my lap (yes! I still have a lap!) I have one cat snoozing across my arm with her head on my belly and another curled against the crook of my knee. I want to get up to get something to drink, but they both seem so comfy...

- maman

Benjamin or Sophie?

Boy or Girl?

For the past 4 months, I've been calling her Sophie and maman has been calling him Benjamin. After next week, if the ultrasound technician can tell us the sex of the baby, we'll have to start using the same name and the same gender pronouns.

Then what? Do we start buying in pink or blue? Well, yes and no. Maman likes blue either way, and hates pink either way, but we'll definitely make different paint and bedding and clothing decisions based on gender.

Q: Aren't you concerned about limiting your baby by gender-stereotyping so early?

A: No.

Q: Do you have a picture in your head of your little boy or little girl?

A: Yes.

Q: Now don't play coy. Give us details!

OK, I confess that my imagination is heavily swayed by comic strips. At this point, with so little else to go on, I picture Benjamin as Calvin from Calvin & Hobbes, and I picture Sophie as Danae from Non Sequitur:

- papa

End of week 19

According to iVillage the Pumpkin is now about 5.5-6.5 inches from crown to rump or 9-10 inches from head to toe (I think we've reached the transition point when the fetus is measured from head to toe instead of head to rump -- though considering the fetal position, I wonder how hard that is to measure!). For iVillage this size is comparable to a mango, for BabyCenter a small zucchini. BabyCenter also adds that if the baby is a girl, she has over 6 million eggs stashed in her ovaries, but by birth she'll only have 2 million!!

What to blog about? Since I can't seem to come up with a thread, here are a bunch of fragments:

1. We are a week away from the half-way point -- unless the Pumpkin is early, in which case we may already be there.
2. The pile of clothes I can no longer wear is getting higher and I need to make some time to pack it away because my side of the room is beginning to resemble a dorm room.
3. I now come to this blog a couple of times a day to listen to the Pumpkin's heartbeat.
4. Thursday, if the Pumpkin cooperates, we find out if we have a Sophie or a Benjamin. (To which I should add that Brian is now really hoping for a girl because I completely freaked him out at Ruby Tuesday's when the waitress thought he was paying the check and he "explained" to me that since he has a penis he is afforded certain assumptions by society to which I replied that I might just have a little penis right now...)
5. For over a week now I've been strapping on the BabyPlus (will explain what this is later) from about 7 a.m. to 8 a.m. and then again from 7 p.m. to 8 p.m. We're almost finished with lesson 1 (of 16).
6. We've bought our first onesie.
   
7. I've made my first baby playlist on iTunes and I am listening to it right now. Now playing: Marin Marais's "Couplets de folies"(note that the UNC Marais page has a typo: it was Louis XIV not Louis IV). Also on the list: Sting, Mozart, the Benedictine Monks, Bach, Enya, Beethoven, Joao Gilberto, Jacques Brel, Joss Whedon (2 songs from the Buffy musical), and Jorge Parra's version of "La Bamba".
8. I've gained 4 pounds in the last 4 weeks, which is good because last doctor's visit I had only gained one and the nurse seemed a touch concerned. Who would have thought that I'd actually spend a month trying to gain weight?!!
   
9. Brian has taken his first picture of my tummy (seen here after he photoshopped it) -- though I think it makes me look bigger than I am! (When I am wearing a blouse people at school have told me I don't look pregnant.)
   

- maman

pumpkin heart

As promised 4 weeks ago, the punkin's heartbeat:


(Or download here.)

Growing

To my utter dismay -- since I had only ironed one pair of pants last night -- my Limited pants with the zippers on the legs would not, could not hook this morning. In fact, these pants that fit pretty well last week were about one INCH away from hooking... Thank goodness I work in a place where I can wear jeans since my maternity jeans were the only thing that didn't need time under the iron...

Problem is the maternity jeans are a little too big, so every time I write something on the board or walk more than five steps (and I pace around the classroom for 50 minutes) I need to pull them up.

I guess the Pumpkin did some growing over the last 7 days!

-maman

jack pumpkinhead

For prenatal story time, we started with Wizard of Oz, then read Alice in Wonderland, and then we tried The Brothers Grimm. I thought I knew the Grimm fairy tales, but I sure didn't. They read like Dadaist anachronisms. Seriously, give them a try. (Download PDF.) Thoroughly surreal. Not uninteresting -- they were fascinating, even -- but not exactly the kind of thing that says "family" to me, not the sort of thing I look forward to the way Nathalie and I were each looking forward to the next chapter with Dorothy or Alice each evening.

So we've put the Grimm brothers aside and picked up The Marvelous Land of Oz, Baum's sequel to Dorothy's story. We're only a few chapters in, but already I like this book many times more than Wizard. It's clearly written by a more mature man who may still be writing for children, but he's writing for clever children and about much more interesting stuff. So say I, only several chapters into the book. It's funny; it's dramatic; I anticipate some long conversations with the pumkin about the nature of life, artifact, authority, trust, communication ... all based on the beginning of this story.

And speaking of pumpkins, the most interesting character so far is Jack Pumpkinhead, pictured above. He is the somewhat accidental creation of a mischievous boy. The two of them (and now a magically animated Saw-Horse for Jack to ride on so he doesn't wear out his wooden joints) are trekking south to visit the Emerald City, which is no longer ruled by the Wizard, but by our old friend the Scarecrow.

I found the Wizard of Oz fun, but it was clear to me that we'd be rereading Alice in Wonderland more often, finding more layers to it, using it as a launch pad to other projects.

I'm beginning to suspect that the Oz sequels will prove to be similarly intellectually rich.

- papa

Apple of my eye

(It appears that what I posted yesterday disappeared when blogger went down last night... Fortunately Papa has a copy on his computer. And at least his lovely song is up!)

A quick size update: as week 19 begins the Pumpkin is about 5.5 inches long and weighs about 7 oz. The size of a large sweet potato (according to BabyCenter) or of an apple (according to iVillage's Pregnancy Calendar). Of course, the large onion I was picturing last weekend was bigger than an apple... In a little less than two weeks we'll find out what the Pumpkin's size really is!

-maman

If I Only Had a ...

Sung to the tune of "If I Only Had a Brain" from the Wizard of Oz:

With the missus mid-term testing
I could show my knack for nesting
with the vacuum, brush, and broom;
and every act of cleaning
would be invested with extra meaning
if I only had a womb!

I'd be tender, I'd be gentle
and awful sentimental
as I paint the pumpkin's room.
I'd be careful, I'd be cautious
and every morning I'd be nauseous
if I only had a womb.

Oh I ... could tell you why ...
a pickle goes so well with custard cream and pie,
how it smells the moment milk goes bad,
or why I'm crying all the time when I'm not sad.

But as it is I feel pathetic
and more than slightly apologetic
'bout the roles of bride and groom;
my contribution's just genetic,
my labor only sympathetic,
cause I just don't have a womb.

- papa

End of week 18

Let me attempt to recapture the post I was working on when Firefox crashed...

The last day of week 18 has me in a bit of an anxious state.

First, I still am not sure I have felt quickening. For several weeks (as documented here) I have once-in-a-while felt something that I thought might be the Pumpkin's movement -- a swish or a pop of a bubble. But our bodies are constantly gurgling and thumping and we simply don't notice it until we take a moment to concentrate on all the movement within. Is it the Pumpkin doing a backflip? Or is it just my pulse or my stomach growling?

Second, after contacting several doulas in Charlottesville, I have finally found one who would be able to help us. I should add that I'm not sure I want a doula. There will be enough people in the delivery room that I don't know, so I don't know if I want to add one that I have only met a few times and who is supposed to be my advocate though she hardly knows me. A doula, however, works for the patient and not the hospital, so she would always be there to help. And doulas are trained to help you get through labor, through different positions, massage, etc. And (hopefully) it would take some pressure off Papa.

Anyway, we haven't hired this doula yet because we want to meet her first. And I think I'll keep contacting doulas so that we can at least choose between two when we are in Cville in March.

That was just a preamble to get to what is adding to my anxiety level today. I told the doula (through email) where we plan to deliver and who our doctor is. I can't remember if I blogged about this earlier, but finding a doctor was more complicated than I had expected. I actually wanted a midwife, but the two midwives that deliver in the hospital were booked. So I called a doctor that a friend highly recommends -- even though he is male and I would have preferred a woman OB. After several phone calls I was finally added to his patient list.

The doula writes: "I have not worked with Dr. W, because I have not had clients who were willing to use him. One client of mine was doing a VBAC after [he] performed her c-section with her first baby. She loved him at the time, but then she discovered he had not been honest with her leading up to the c-section and that this dishonesty was what led her to have the surgery in the first place. Very disturbing. It's certainly not the only upsetting birth story I have heard that he has been involved with, but I don't think those women would want me to talk about their stories. Personally, he would not be my first choice."

She goes on to recommend another doctor (who was also recommended to me by my friend, but his partner wasn't, so I decided to go with Dr. W since you never know who will be on call to deliver the baby).

This information has me freaked out. I need a doctor I can trust and who will tell me -- or at least tell Brian -- exactly what is going on and be honest. I don't want a doctor who is going to suggest a C-section because it is convenient for him or because he didn't tell me about some complication. On the other hand, what are these stories that other women are not willing to have told, even anonymously? Are these just rumors? Has this doula not had clients use this doctor because she has told them what she told me?

I can't make any judgments until I meet the man -- and even then, what information will I really have other than his ability to communicate with us during an office visit and my gut instinct? And it would cost us $180 to meet him in March because our insurance won't cover it. But perhaps it would be better to shell out the money now than to have to change doctors in May because he wasn't the right one for us.

Similarly, I can't know if this doula is right for us until we meet her.

*sigh*

-maman