End of week 18 |
[posted by Nat] |
Let me attempt to recapture the post I was working on when Firefox crashed...
The last day of week 18 has me in a bit of an anxious state.
First, I still am not sure I have felt quickening. For several weeks (as documented here) I have once-in-a-while felt something that I thought might be the Pumpkin's movement -- a swish or a pop of a bubble. But our bodies are constantly gurgling and thumping and we simply don't notice it until we take a moment to concentrate on all the movement within. Is it the Pumpkin doing a backflip? Or is it just my pulse or my stomach growling?
Second, after contacting several doulas in Charlottesville, I have finally found one who would be able to help us. I should add that I'm not sure I want a doula. There will be enough people in the delivery room that I don't know, so I don't know if I want to add one that I have only met a few times and who is supposed to be my advocate though she hardly knows me. A doula, however, works for the patient and not the hospital, so she would always be there to help. And doulas are trained to help you get through labor, through different positions, massage, etc. And (hopefully) it would take some pressure off Papa.
Anyway, we haven't hired this doula yet because we want to meet her first. And I think I'll keep contacting doulas so that we can at least choose between two when we are in Cville in March.
That was just a preamble to get to what is adding to my anxiety level today. I told the doula (through email) where we plan to deliver and who our doctor is. I can't remember if I blogged about this earlier, but finding a doctor was more complicated than I had expected. I actually wanted a midwife, but the two midwives that deliver in the hospital were booked. So I called a doctor that a friend highly recommends -- even though he is male and I would have preferred a woman OB. After several phone calls I was finally added to his patient list.
The doula writes: "I have not worked with Dr. W, because I have not had clients who were willing to use him. One client of mine was doing a VBAC after [he] performed her c-section with her first baby. She loved him at the time, but then she discovered he had not been honest with her leading up to the c-section and that this dishonesty was what led her to have the surgery in the first place. Very disturbing. It's certainly not the only upsetting birth story I have heard that he has been involved with, but I don't think those women would want me to talk about their stories. Personally, he would not be my first choice."
She goes on to recommend another doctor (who was also recommended to me by my friend, but his partner wasn't, so I decided to go with Dr. W since you never know who will be on call to deliver the baby).
This information has me freaked out. I need a doctor I can trust and who will tell me -- or at least tell Brian -- exactly what is going on and be honest. I don't want a doctor who is going to suggest a C-section because it is convenient for him or because he didn't tell me about some complication. On the other hand, what are these stories that other women are not willing to have told, even anonymously? Are these just rumors? Has this doula not had clients use this doctor because she has told them what she told me?
I can't make any judgments until I meet the man -- and even then, what information will I really have other than his ability to communicate with us during an office visit and my gut instinct? And it would cost us $180 to meet him in March because our insurance won't cover it. But perhaps it would be better to shell out the money now than to have to change doctors in May because he wasn't the right one for us.
Similarly, I can't know if this doula is right for us until we meet her.
*sigh*
-maman
posted by Nat
2 Comments:
Sorry to hear about the ob/gyn anxieties! Here's mes deux sous, for what they're worth.
1. I've already told you that I was happy to have a doula assist me during childbirth, but what I didn't say is that our doula (Misty) did not have all that much to do during the pushing & delivery stage. At that point all sorts of medical personnel swarmed in and it was a veritable circus, with different people holding my legs and shouting instructions, etc. I later realized that Misty took pictures with our digital camera, for which I was very grateful.
But, the pushing stage is not all that long, compared to labor, which can be as long as a couple of days. That's where Misty was really useful-- during active labor. The rest of the hospital staff left us alone so that most of the time it was just me, AC, and Misty. Our midwife came in and out, and would have helped massage me, etc., except that we didn't need another pair of hands. My understanding is that a regular M.D. would not appear at all until it's time to push... that would be something to ask about.
Misty was also great when the midwife had to check my cervix (awful awful painful... nobody told me that the cervical checks would be as bad as my worst contractions). I had to lie flat on my back and AC would hold one hand and Misty the other, both of them speaking soft words of encouragement as I tried to breathe through what felt like a mack truck being rammed up inside me. It felt wonderful to be supported on all sides by my husband and doula. When the check was done, everyone would disappear again and it would be just us 3, and Misty always seemed to know when to disappear as well when AC and I needed time alone.
I'm also certain that Misty helped us achieve a pain-med free birth. That was really important to me, so for that alone she was worth it. Misty was able to be both warm/caring and professional (kind of like a therapist), which would be qualities that I would recommend you look for in a doula.
#2 Regarding the OB/GYN: before childbirth, communication was high on my list as far as prized qualities for a ob/gyn. After the birth experience, I realized that I did not also take into account the person's medical expertise and experience (duh, right?) But really, I guess I had assumed that all docs would be more or less equal in that area. Now that I have been through a somewhat complicated birth, I am so grateful that Lori (my midwife) knew what she was doing. So many things can happen during childbirth. I would recommend a good communicator AND someone who knows his/her stuff, who has a lot of experience with the potential complications of birth, and who can make good judgments.
I think that if you are armed with a set of specific questions for this Cville doc, you will be able to ascertain what his experience is (roughly) and what type of communicator he is. As for the doula's sketchy comments about him, I'd press the issue with her. See how much you can find out. Doulas (and childbirth educators) hear a lot of anecdotes about different medical personnel, but they also witness a lot of things too. Just keep asking questions of everyone. Why does Angel recommend this guy? What does she like about him in particular? Is there another doctor you could try to meet in March, to have a point of comparison?
It WILL sort itself all out! And in the end, the most important thing is that you and the pumpkin come out okay!
*hugs*
C
WOW! Thanks for all the info! I feel better already knowing about what sorts of things I should be thinking about!
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